After ten days without school or friends or strangers, without almost any in-person contact with anyone outside of our house—save for his screaming, “Hi, what’s your name” at people walking their dogs or “Uncle Kareem, please come talk to me!” at our neighbor or “What are you doing here? Did you bring me a present” [...]
Not at first. At first, your 4-year-old son will jump into your arms and hold you so tight you’ll feel how much he’s been longing for you. I missed you so much, you’ll tell him as you put him to bed, and he will say it back, and kiss you, hard, and you will love [...]
the best days and the worst in the span of mere hours. From 6am when your 4-year-old son wakes up—not counting your 4-month-old daughter’s nighttime wakings—to 2pm when you manage to get him down for a nap and sit down to nurse the baby, you will feel days have come and gone. Amazing days and [...]
Not because they are trying to keep it secret. Once you become a mother, there are no secrets between you and other mother. They will tell you all the things that saved them and all the things they tried that failed to save them too. But you’ll still have to figure it out for yourself. [...]
They will explain away the difference. They will say it’s much harder because this time, you are also chasing a 3-year-old & can’t take the time to nap or rest or just be with yourself, but when you were pregnant with your son, you never did any of that either. They will say you are [...]
is what your son will say to the OB assistant after she lets him hear his little brother or sister’s heart beat on the Fetal Doppler, his three-year-old hands, on fire from the fever, patting his own belly to the whooshing rhythm. He had woken-up that morning burning, climbing into your bed like a little [...]
Especially when you spend the day pushing around an empty stroller, you will constantly apologize that it's empty. You will tell people not to hold doors open or help in any way because you don't deserve such things given that your child is not with you. You will feel obliged to repeat that the stroller [...]
The first time your son inhales a gulp of air, the first time he takes your breast and sucks hard, the first time he squeezes his tiny palm around some part of you and leaves depressions of his razor-nails inside your flesh, will also mean the last time your body holds him completely, in water [...]
because you are never out past sunset anymore. Because summer nights are mostly spent on the couch, in the air conditioning, zoned out to the latest Netflix show helping you recover from the day. You recall how your sister-in-law told you, “Days are long, but the years fly,” and as your son gets older, the [...]
into boats sailing the hardwood-floor ocean; rocket ships flying your son through rainbows up to the stars; time capsules holding the tiny clothes his body has outgrown; and a casket for a small animal, the first living thing you and his father took care of together, the 11-year-old gray-tabby, Ele P. Hant, who started your [...]
Other women don't tell you... 